Augusta Bulldogs Blockwatch

Ol Time Laughter...Putting the FUN Back into the FUNNIES! pg II

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our
own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you
chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the
thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first
thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"
"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He
hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did to!"
"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and
Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it
has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they
haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and be
quiet.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for
word what you shouldn't have said.

4. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

5. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY!
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU
GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE
TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

The Stupid People's Guide to Life

Don't eat rocks.
Don't take naps in the road.
Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
Don't throw a brick straight up.
Don't breathe car exaust.
If you ever meet the president, don't offer him a surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.
For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
Don't stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
The stuff on the bottom of your shoes is not for internal consumption.
If you need to get somewhere and a freight train heading in the direction you're traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold it as it passes.
If you want to pound on the radiator and tell the landlord to turn up the head, don't do it with your head.
Don't flip off the Mafia.
If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before spitting.
Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
Light birthday candles from the back to the front.
Don't shave with a lawnmower.
Just because your body has orifices, doesn't mean you should things into them.
Don't stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
Although batteries are sold in grocery stores, they are not food. Do not break them open and drink what is inside.
The warning "Do not try this at home!" really means "Do not try this at all!"
Don't bathe in a tub full of snow.
Don't iron clothes while wearing them.
Don't eat hot coals.
Don't escape into jail.
Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
Don't pick porcupines with bare feet.
Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
Sell at most one of your kidneys.
Don't lie down in a cattle pen.
Forks need not carry food farther than your mouth.
Don't test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
Don't snap towels at passing cops.
Don't throw an angry cat straight up.
Don't lick dry ice.
Before you leap on a trampoline; make sure it's right side up.
Don't pour salt into your eyes.
Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make more.
Don't microwave yourself.
Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up picture.
Don't swallow toothpaste.
Don't chew tylenol.
Don't bathe in gasoline.
Don't sneak up on a stallion and smack it on the rump.
Don't drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain or toilet bowls.
Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
Don't listen to music by the Spice Girls, M.C. Hammer or Wayne Newton.
Don't lick toads, bulls or jellyfish.
Don't go swimming in a well.
Rake leaves, not people.
Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not for the floor of your house.
Contrary to popular opinion, you're not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrial wires before pluging them in.
If you want to chew some gum; buy some. Don't use the gum from underneat seats at school and movie theaters; even though it's free.
Don't kick stone walls without wearing thick-soled shoes or boots.
Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, don't jump out of a window -- use the stairs.
When using an acetylene torch, don't touch the flame to see if it's hot enough.
Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches all together.
Walking barefoot in the sand is a good thing. Walking barefoot on a cactus is not recommended.
Elvis is dead. Get over it.
Wear clothes.
Use a potholder when removing items from the oven.
If you're on a ballfield and someone shouts, "Heads UP!" , don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
Don't drink.
Don't drive.
Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
Don't brush your teeth with a wire-brisled sanding wheel.
When using a weed whacker don't hold the end with the wire.
When using a blow-gun -- something you should always have a very good reason for doing anyway -- draw your breath before placing your lips around the barrel.
No matter how tempting tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
Give me all your money.
When sticking thumb tacks into the bulletin board, press on the flat end.
Toasters should be used to cook bread. Not your fingers.
Under no circumstances should you reproduce.

Good Ol Fashioned Fun (the links A - Z)

Good Humor Links

These pages are for PG-13...for younger family members, please see my "Rugrats Areena" or "Family Fun" pages...


Convert English text to any of several comic dialects. Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, Pig Latin, or Hacker.
Not Discriminatory. The Dialectizer is not intended to be racist, sexist, or otherwise demeaning or discriminatory. Here is our position on this matter [http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/discrim.shtml]
The Dialectizer
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

Augesta Bullhoun'dogs BlockwatchThis hyar site's address: www.neighbo'hoodlink. Shet mah mouth!com/phoenix/bullhoun'dogshttp://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fphoenix%2Fbulldogs

Meet th' Bullhoun'dogs
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fmeetlive1.html%3Fnid%3D391614558%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

Augustayay Ulldogsbay Ockwatchblay Ommunitycay Alendarcay
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=piglatin&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fphoenix%2Fevents.html%3Fnneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528%26ncity%3D559970528

Amewicans wif Disabiwities & Advocacy Infowmation
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=fudd&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D992887598%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

4ugusta bul7dogs: computer help: urban 7egendZ, hoaxes & viruess
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=hckr&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D434760237%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

Augusta Bulldogs: Consumeh Affairs: Ask de Expehts
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=moron&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D942216342%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528++

Augusta Bulldogs, dig dis: De Parent Trap
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=jive&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D631674361%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528+

Happy Howidays ~ Fathew's Day
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=fudd&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D948707472%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528+

Happy Holydays ~ Its Christmas Time! Right on! page one
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=jive&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D946984007%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

Happy Holydays ~ Its Jedtmas Time! page one
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=redneck&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D946984007%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

Happy Holidays: Modeh's Day
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=moron&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D192098048%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528

Heelthy Leefing: Deeebetes: Grrreet Sooger Free-a Receepes!
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=bork&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.neighborhoodlink.com%2Fpublic%2Fgenpage.html%3Fnid%3D244341270%26nneighid%3D402048063%26nsupercity%3D559970528


A

20 Fun Things To Do At The Office
http://tcastle.com/fun/jokes32.html

50 Fun Things To Do on an Exam
http://www.zeltser.com/humor/on.exam.html

Actual Medical Records
http://tcastle.com/fun/jokes30.html

Alan & Melissa's HomePage. www.FunLaugh.com
http://www.funlaugh.com/

Amazing Prehistoric dogs
http://freespace.virgin.net/paul.charlton1/what.htm

Announcing family entertainment.
http://www.eakles.com/default.html

BigFatBaby.com
http://www.bigfatbaby.com/

Bored.com - Links to the most interesting sites on the internet
http://www.bored.com/

Brain of Brian
http://www.brainofbrian.com/

x re: Welcome to Curious Lucre: Money of the World...
The Bureau of Corporate Allegory
http://www.lileks.com/money/bureau/

THE BUREAU OF MISSING SOCKS
http://www.jagat.com/joel/socks.html



C

The Captain James T. Kirk Singalong Site
http://www.loskene.com/singalong/kirk.html

Do you dream of walking down the red carpet with the celebrity of your choice? Or, perhaps, of becoming buddies with a superstar? Is the passion really possible? As you primp or begin to plan your acceptance speech, see if your Sun Sign is compatible with that of your favorite star.
Celebrity Combatability
http://horoscopes.excite.com/horoscopes/celebrity/love_match

The Centre for the Easily Amused
http://www.amused.com

Changing the Oil
http://www.debsfunpages.com/oil.htm

xref: The Bureau of Corporate Allegory
Welcome to Curious Lucre: Money of the World
http://www.lileks.com/money/index.html


D

Da Ebonics Page -- Ebonics Humor, Ebonics Translator, Send Ebonics mail to friends
http://www.joel.net/EBONICS/

in the AOL prison camp library...
Daffy's 60th Birthday Party
aol://4344:639.daffy60.4539804.543701609

Dang Good Jokes
http://www.danggoodjokes.com/

DebsFunPages
http://www.debsfunpages.com

Convert English text to any of several comic dialects. Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, Pig Latin, or Hacker.
Not Discriminatory. The Dialectizer is not intended to be racist, sexist, or otherwise demeaning or discriminatory. Here is our position on this matter [http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/discrim.shtml]
The Dialectizer
http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

Diagnosis
http://larsplace.com/humor/a59.htm

A Dieting Prayer
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Cove/6722/dietingprayer.html

Dr. Kriss Schueller's Fun Page
http://gateway.cis.ysu.edu/~kriss/funstuff/index.html

Dumb Laws
http://www.dumblaws.com/

DumbLists.com
http://www.dumblists.com/

Dumpster Diver!
http://www.connect-time.com/cgi-bin/dumpdive


E

Elvis seen at Super Bowl XXXI
http://www.mich.com/~rrreibel/elvislnk.html

Email Wonderland
http://www.icqgreetings.com/wonderland.htm

EXERCISE~~ME?
http://www1.50megs.com/momsplace/exercise.html



F

Fertilizer
http://www.debsfunpages.com/poo.htm

Foggys Funnies
http://www.foggys-funnies.com/

Foolproof Ballot for Palm Beach County
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/jjgordon/elections/Pbballot.htm

Welcome to THE FRAME - News, Humor, Opinoin, Features, and More.
http://searchhound.com/cgi-bin/sh_index_page.cgi?sH990

Freddie's Workout Page
http://www.justsaywow.com/freddie.htm

Free Fortune Teller - Madame Poot
http://madamepoot.com/

Free Fun Jokes: Jokes and Humor Chamber
http://tcastle.com/jokes.html

The Funny Farm
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3456/index.html

The Poopie List at The Funny Farm - Awesome Jokes
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3456/h_poopies.html

School Homework Policy - The Funny Farm
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3456/h_homework.html

Funny Games
http://humor.about.com/msub17.htm?iam=ask&terms=funny

Funny Greetings
http://www.funnygreetings.com

Funny Stories - Embarrassing Moments - Funny Embarrassing Stories
http://www.buyafunnybook.com/moments

Funny Times
http://www.funnytimes.com/

FunOFun.com - World's Best Greetings, Fun Pages, Funny Pics and Family Fun!
http://www.funofun.com

FunOne.com - The Official Home of FUN!
http://www.funone.com/index.html

The Fun Shack
http://www.funshack.com/world.htm

PG 13
FunStun Index page
http://www.funstun.com/

Fun Town
http://www.funtown.com/


G

Bogus parody news with funny satirical humor thrown in for fun!
Get Odd
http://www.getodd.com/

The Good, Clean Funnies List Archive
http://www.gcfl.net/archive/

Good English!
http://www.zeltser.com/humor/good.english.html

Grammy Nell's Magic Mirror
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hollow/7511/magicmirror.html

Grandma
http://www.danggoodjokes.com/grandma/

The Great Chili Cookoff!
http://larsplace.com/humor/a57.htm



H

Has A?–L Gone Mad ?
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Galaxy/7065/hasaol.html

Healthy Message!
http://server142.smartbotpro.net/healthy/

Honey, Please! I can explain!
http://www.gambino.com/funstuff/explain.htm

for film, television and the theatre...
How to Act Convincingly
http://www.zefrank.com/acting/

HOW TO WASH THE CAT
http://www.whoohoo.net/washcat/

Humor Forum! Forum
http://talk.about.com/forums/nav/ab-humor.htm?COB=home&PID=2744

Humor Greetings from Hot Rod Mom
http://home.talkcity.com/HotRodRd/mom-jkv/humorgreeting.html


I

I AM NOT ADDICTED!
http://members.aol.com/_ht_b/JustTWife/addict.html

I Don't Wanna...
http://www.debsfunpages.com/dontwanna.htm

I'm Fine...
http://hicards.com/j/friend11.gif

I'm Having a Great Day!
http://www.alera.com/

I'm Pretty Sure ELVIS is dead!
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/journal4.htm

index Rated PG 13
http://www.teleweb.net/georgeeiben/

Interactive Bunny Book
http://www.lowfashion.com/bunny/


J

Jan's Emoticons
http://www.blackwidow.connectfree.co.uk/emoticons.html

Job Phrases Identified
http://www.debsfunpages.com/vidp.htm

Joke E-mails
http://www.enol.com/~dayl/humor/

Jokes/Humor - The Fathead Web Page
http://fathead.net/humor/index.html

Just for Fun
http://users.iconz.co.nz/apeacock/justfun.html

justplainsillylist
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Lake/6357/justplainsillylist.html

Just Say Wow
http://www.justsaywow.com/


K

KeyTrax Music Network - Where Creative Innovations Are Made Daily
http://www.angelfire.com/mo/keytrax/index.html

Killer Tomatoes Portal
http://www.killertomatoes.com/


L

The Laffatorium - www.laffnow.com
http://www.laffnow.com/index.html

Late Show with David Letterman
http://cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/

Laughers
http://www.laughers.com/

LaughNet - Bringing You The Lighter Side of the Internet
http://www.laughnet.net/

The Letterman Hall Of Haircuts
http://macuser.zdnet.com/people/andyi/hallofhaircuts.html

Let Us Turn You Into Elvis!
http://www.sudftw.com/presto.htm

Pg 13
Loopy Libs
http://www.excite.com/horoscopes/fun/loopy_libs/

"Lotto Losers;
http://www.fal.net/_artic/lotto.html

Lovely Lady's Greetings & Jokes
http://www.angelfire.com/tx/scooterbb/page2.html

Lysators Humorpage
http://www.lysator.liu.se/jokes/main.html


M

A Mood Ring
http://www.ajcockrell.com/ajcockrell/moodring.htm


N

Nerd Season
http://www.danggoodjokes.com/nerd/

New Fun Pages
http://www.newfunpages.com/

Nursery Photos
http://www.nurseryphotos.com/


O

Welcome to The Original Funnies Index Page - Enjoy your visit
http://home.pix.za/mk/mk53/index.htm


P

Pages 2 Send.com
http://www.pages2send.com

The Page that turns YOU into Elvis
http://www.mich.com/~rrreibel/presto.htm

PassThisOn.com - Greatest Fun Sites To Pass On To Your Friends!
http://www.passthison.com/

Phil's EYE on the WEB
http://www.feist.com/~rlangdon/index.html

Plane Stuff - Jokes and humor
http://www.planestuff.com/planestuff/jokes.html

"Pot Belly"
http://members.tripod.com/tchong/pic2.gif

The Proper Southern Belle
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/lady.htm

Puter School Postcards Selections and Seach Page
http://www.puter-school.com/list.shtml



Q

Quick e-Greets
http://www.quickegreets.com



R

Raj's Calvin and Hobbes Page
http://members.tripod.com/~hahahadude/flush.gif

Calvin n Hobbes - Flush!
http://members.tripod.com/~hahahadude/flush.gif

RALPH and BEULAH'S ON-LINE CUISINE for the ADVENTUROUS
http://www.heptune.com/Ralphbeu.html

Random Weather Randomizer
http://www.mich.com/~rrreibel/weather.htm

Ren'sDen RenDerings~
http://members.aol.com/SheBeDvl/den.html

Rufus and Clarence
http://www.eakles.com/rufus_and_clarence.html


S

:: sanborn.simplenet.com ::
http://sanborn.simplenet.com/home.shtml

Scalzi.Com -- Everything You Wanted In A Website and More.
www.scalzi.com

Separated at Birth?
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/jjgordon/Separated/separated.htm

Showering
http://www.debsfunpages.com/shower.htm

Signs Your Cat May Be Trying to Kill You
http://www.bigfatbaby.com/newfun/catkill.html

Signs You're Getting Older
http://www.debsfunpages.com/older4.htm

silly list
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Creek/8427/sillylist.html

The South
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/funny.htm

Southern Astrological Signs
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/signs.htm

The Straight Dope: Home Page
http://www.straightdope.com/index.html

STUFF!
http://www.ilos.net/~che/calendarnf.html

Stupid.com - Strange Candy - Odd Gifts - Dumb Games
http://www.stupid.com/

Suney's Southern Belle Badge Honorees
http://web.dbtech.net/~suncastl/belle.htm

Surprisingly Useful Devices for the web
http://www.mich.com/~rrreibel/sudftw.htm



T

Technology for Country Folk
http://www.haukenfrers.net/technology_for_country_folk.htm

Textbook Woman~Then & Nowhttp://tcastle.com/fun/jokes16.html

Things I Learned at the Movies
http://www.debsfunpages.com/movies.htm

TinChicken's Contents
http://tinchicken.simplenet.com/index.htm

TinChicken's Songbook & Children's Poems
http://tinchicken.simplenet.com/songs.htm

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
http://www.nbc.com/tonightshow

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Headlines
http://www.nbc.com/tonightshow/headlines

Took my husband back to WalMart
http://freeyellow.com/members8/fialotta1/Tookmyhusbandback.html

4. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
Too Much Coffee
http://www.funtown.com/coffee/coffee.cfm

A Typical Week
http://www.nwcair.com/planner.html



U

Welcome to the Ultimate Guide to Shooting Rubber Bands!
http://hometown.aol.com/morganbolt/


V

Vanity License Plate
http://www-chaos.umd.edu/misc/plates.html

Virtual Food Fight! Throw Food at Your Friends...
http://www.virtualfoodfight.com/

Xref: The Comedy Lab
Virtual House Calls
http://www.thecomedylab.com/schtuff/housecall/



W

Wacky911.com - Outrageously Funny Audio - REAL 911 Calls.
http://www.wacky911.com/

Warp Las Vegas Government Officials!
http://www.lasvegas.com/features/warp/

Web Page of The Killer Tomatoes
http://www.awod.com/gallery/rwav/ctyner/kt.html

Web Pages That Suck -- The web site version of the book
http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com/

We Can SEE YOU!
http://passthison.com/cu/?exit=no

What Do Cowboys Do All Day?
http://www.lowfashion.com/cowboy/index.html

in the AOL prison library...
What're You UP To?
aol://4344:3059.p2005647.19544463.589924371

Welcome to Whoohoo!
http://www.whoohoo.net/

Wildbrain.com Showcase
http://www.wildbrain.com/showcase/index.html



XYZ

You Know It's Time to GET OFF the Computer when...
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/3227/getoff.html

You know you're no longer a kid when...http://matt.moviequote.net/kid.htm

in the A?–L prison library
You're the Prettiest Chick
aol://4344:1869.zin_01.16131450.573285541

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
http://www.joygreetings.com/toomuchcoffee.htm

Email us
augustabulldogs@worldnet.att.net