College Park Community Organization for Concerned Citizens

Melanie's Blog 2009

DELAYED FULFILLMENT

 I have been mulling over some of the irrelevant questions in life.  Those things that the average person may not take into consideration like how is it, at an elevation of over 10,000 ft above sea level that fish are found in lakes and streams that were made by glaciers?  or, What is the significance of the date 09/09/09?  Or, Why do birds begin chirping at the 5am hour and then suddenly become silent for a pregnant filled one or two hour pause and then return to chirping at 7 or 8am?  or, even Why a rose bursts forth and its leaves wither outwardly versus an Iris which gently opens and its leaves fall in upon itself when dying?

These are not ordinary musings by far, but they do cause one to stumble into a contemplation that there is a more blissful note to life than eking one's way on a subway, navigating maddening traffic, or the political bru ha ha found at the office.  Musing about these things have brought on a patience and a simple joy that normally does not exist in the midst of constant worry and flurry of activity.

In a sense, an alternate sensibility has emerged from these private musings.  One where life is not about seeing the proverbial "forest for the trees."  Sometimes, it is indeed, seeing the tree, smelling the rose as it were.  Many might respond with duh!, but I can only make this journey at my speed.  Afterall, there comes a time in everyone's life where speed is not the answer to living life, but patience is the key to responding to life. 

Patience, by far is not easy. We live in a NOW society. We must have everything now, technology tells us so. Fast-food is to be eaten, well quickly.  We must get from point A to point B in less than 5 minutes, where possible, -or like kids in a toy shop we throw a tantrum if we can't have what we desire immediately.  What does man or woman truly desire?  Aye, there's the rub, for there is something to be said about delayed fulfillment.  It teaches us something about our true desires, our inner workings. 

Sometimes, like the child, we forget about the toy we desired, the material thing we wanted, or the relationship that could have or would have sent us over the moon.  Sometimes, we realize that if we recieved what we desired then as opposed to some future date, we may not have been able to handle, manage, deal, or navigate the consequences, e.g. a child or a spouse.  Then, sometimes, sometimes it is the sweetest, most savory fulfillment of all, when we finally recieve what we are waiting for.

Its texture is often in the form of accomplishment, the feeling of a gift opened on Christmans morning, a miracle, or a profound sense of well-being, -that all is right with the world.  It holds immeasurable substance as opposed to some superficial or fleeting trend.

But what happens in the wait time?  A pardigm shift... A refreshing outlook...  For some a maturity.  While, for others a stagnation, a disabling quality filled with anxiety and complaint.  And still for others, like myself, a sudden but pointed musing over LIFE, not just the arc of my own life but LIFE nature-the elemental, creatures, dynamics between people, landscapes. In this instance, it draws upon a deep and broad inner yearning which in turn produces a profound understanding of what matters most, -tailor made to the individual who is in the wait time.  Questions are asked from the silly to the un-common.  Answers are demanded, -and they do come. 

Foundational beliefs are shaken and re-constructed, new people are met and places seen. Then, one hears, sees, smells and relishes LIFE differently.  And that desire which need be fulfilled is suddenly upon you.  It is then you know your speed is right for you.  It is then you know JOY, the true gift of patience, and the benefit of delayed fulfillment.