Fairground Neighborhood Association

Signs You've Hired the Wrong Kid to Mow Your Lawn

May 16, 2008

10. He shows up with a pair of manicure scissors and a Ziploc bag.
9. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
8. His nickname: the Unamower.
7. On the side of his mower you notice stenciled silhouettes of 13 cats.
6. Stops every 15 minutes to smoke some clippings
5. Using your riding mower, leads D. M.P.D. on a three-hour low-speed chase.
4. He's always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
3. He somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
2. Every week he tries to match your lawn to Dennis Rodman's hair.
1. He has no toes.