La Paloma Family Services, Inc.

Mentoring Passion

Feb 20, 2002

Children crave a sense of self-worth. That craving is answered most readily through respectful inclusion: through a reintegration of our young into the intimate circles of family and community life. We must find ways to offer them useful functions, tailored to their evolving capacities?…and embrace an ethic of sustained mentoring that extends from community to personal relationships.
Ron Powers, The Apocalypse of Adolescence, The Atlantic, March 2002

Enemies more foreign than domestic have understandably monopolized our awareness these last few months. When you use passionate hatred as your primary agent of change it tends to generate violent responses from others. It remains true, to live by the sword is a dangerous, usually fatal, way of being. This is true for our kids as well.
The evil axis that preoccupies our foreign policy these days does not overshadow the omnipresent tragic triad in our midst, namely, violence, poverty and substance abuse. Here in the domestic realm of our day-to-day lives we need every asset at our disposal to treat and, hopefully, prevent the countless tragedies caused when our children are caught in the relentless flailing of these thrashing scythes.
In the face of this triune thresher of hopes, it is little wonder that our kids often take up the swords of anger and abuse to thrash out in self-defense. Or, as is frequently the case, turn the blade on themselves in the form of self-destructive behaviors or try to shield themselves from pain with masks of depression or delusion.
The longer you work in this world of challenging kids to take effective control of their lives, the more frequently you marvel at how kids escape this triangular scourge with the capacity to love, the thirst for knowledge and the character to say no. Yet, many do not. The alternating swirl of violence as victim or perpetrator; the frustration of not having the education to pull away from poverty; and the overwhelming temptation and snare of addiction; are powerful forces.
As guides and guardians of our kids, our task may seem self-evident. Sooth and heal, protect and nourish, teach and direct, encourage and challenge quickly come to mind. Specifically, this means providing our kids with the tools to break the cycles of violence that smother their lives, the education to escape the poverty that crushes opportunity and the self-discipline to thwart the powerful pull of substance abuse.
More is required of us. We are not only healers but builders as well. Our work demands passion. The depth and urgency of the need to intervene requires mentors who have the emotional, intellectual and moral sinew to inspire our children, not merely guide and guard them.
Inspire literally means to breathe in. It is this breathing in that brings love and power to our nourishing, teaching and challenging. We must demonstrate that we believe in our kids, that we are convinced of their innate goodness and capacity to overcome, learn and grow.
Our kids need power to fight back in a world where the triple threat of violence, poverty and substance abuse seem almost omnipotent. They also need love, most especially, a true mature love of self. From these reservoirs of power and love they can then draw sustenance, confidence and the courage to build a life of purpose.
The mentor who can not only teach skills but also breathe in passion releases their charge at the doorway of opportunity. Through that door our kids can escape from the deadly crossfire of the tragic triad and make their way to a passionate and purposeful life.

- Dave Bradley